June 28, 2010

Dear Lord Jesus,

I don’t want to live like this… help me to get through this final struggle. Lord, help us to do Your Holy Will. Bring us to full communion with you and the Church and please allow us to enter into the most Holy Sacrament of marriage. Through your intercession, help those at the Tribunal bring this to a quick resolution. In Your Name, I humbly ask the father for your help.

Lord, give me strength. Help me to only communicate this situation to those who need to understand it, and keep those who don’t need to understand it, from asking me or placing me in situations where I am forced to reveal more than I need to.

I love you Lord Jesus, please remember me.

-Amen

God is AWESOME! June 10, 2010

That’s all I have to say… right now! More to come later. But if anyone thinks that God doesn’t hear and answer prayers, you are surely wrong… He hears our prayers and loves us very much.

Thank You! Jesus, Mary, St. Anne, and St. Jude, and St. Joseph… and all the saints that I pray to each and every day!!!

Healing June 8, 2010

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to attend a healing service as part of my Archdiocese annual conference. It was really something wonderful to attend.

While there, I prayed for spiritual healing for both myself and my fiancé, and that we would have renewed strength to get through the remaining months of the process…however long it may be.

The service had a wonderful priest speaking, and then was followed by extended benediction, in which everyone who wanted to, could kneel at the altar and reach out and touch the monstrance, with the faith of the woman who reached out and touched the end of Jesus’ cloak and was healed.  I went up there with faith, I touched the monstrance, and it was an incredible feeling. No body there could doubt that the Holy Spirit was truly present and reaching out to all of us.  I felt renewed and loved and strengthened, and I hope and pray that the feeling stays with me and helps me through the rest of this time.

Afterwards they had people in the back of the room who would pray over you, if you wanted them too. I went back there and asked for prayers for spiritual healing and strength as I go through the process. The three people praying over me, said the most beautiful prayer for both me and my fiancé, and that also gave me knew strength.

The whole evening, I felt as though God was speaking to me… and I left there feeling strong and with more hope.

Like I said, I hope that feeling stays, and gets me through the remainder of this process. There is still no real progress. We are still waiting.

But everyday, I continue to say my prayers, and have started some new novenas. I can only trust in what Jesus himself says “Knock, and you will be answered…”

I trust that Jesus hears my prayers, and I know I have been “knocking” each and every day.

Dear Lord Jesus, may everyone undergoing the annulment process experience spiritual healing and renewed strength on this day, as they face their anxieties, fears, doubts, and worries about the future. Calm their hearts and bring them peace to their day.  In Jesus’ name, I ask this favor of the father. Amen.

Good Advice June 3, 2010

Received yesterday via e-mail from a Medjugore e-mail list that I’m subscribed to. Mary’s latest message.  Seems to fit what I needed to hear to help give me strength…

June 2, 2010 “Dear Children, Today I call you with prayer and fasting to clear the path in which my Son will enter into your hearts. Accept me as a mother and a messenger of God’s love and His desire for your salvation. Free yourself of everything from the past which burdens you, that gives you a sense of guilt, that which previously led you astray in error and darkness. Accept the light. Be born anew in the righteousness of my Son. Thank you.”

A Perfect Song for Marriage… June 1, 2010

Sunday, in Church, the cantor sang one of my most favorite hymns. It always seems to slip my mind when I’m not thinking about it, but whenver they choose to sing it in Church, I am instantly reminded of how touching it is.

I pray that once I am through this annulment-journey, and God-Willing, my finace and I can be united in Holy Matrimony, we will have this song at our wedding ceremony, because I know that it truly signifies marriage in its purest and most holy form, and that is the marriage that we intend to carry out the rest of our days.

Keep me in your prayers so that someday soon, we will be able to sing this song at the altar, on the day we exchange our vows in God’s presence…

The Servant’s Song:

Will you let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you? Pray that I might have the grace to let you be my servant, too.

We are pilgrims on a journey, we are trav’lers on the road. We are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ-light for you in the night time of your fear. I will hold my hand out to you, speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping, when you laugh I’ll laugh with you. I will share your joy and sorrow till we’ve seen this journey through.

When we sing to god in heaven, we shall find such harmony, born of all we’ve known together of Christ’s love and agony.

Will you let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you? Pray that I might have the grace to let you be my servant, too.

Renewed Strength… For Now May 28, 2010

Last weekend was very difficult with lots of anxiety, worry, and doubt about the entire process. It felt like I was being bombarded with negative thoughts and worrying about what is or is not the right thing to do.

The emotional struggle is always really hard and leaves me questioning the compassion and understanding of some people that call themselves Catholic and renewed by the understanding and compassion of others.  For example, a woman left a comment on one of my previous posts, just at the point when I felt at my lowest, and it gave me renewed strength and hope… and I truly believe that God inspired her to leave that comment at that time, because he knew it would help me to get through the rest of the day and week… so I thank her for that!!! J

On the other hand, I posted my situation on a Catholic forum, and was bombarded by members who criticized me and judged me and told me that I was a terrible Catholic for basically even talking to my finance, and that my soul was in danger. Those words hurt me so much, I can only think that they must not have come from God. It left me angry knowing that these people who did not go through what I am going through were judging my worthiness as a “Good Catholic” without even knowing every bit of detail of the story. It turns my stomach to see people who are supposed to act like Jesus would have acted, lashing out at me with such venom and judgment, simply because I’m in a different place than they think is ideal.

It hurts because …. I DO love Jesus so much! I don’t think I’m a bad Catholic… I’m following the teachings of the Church, I respect the Church… that’s why we’re going through this process.

I also had a good discussion with my fiancé the other night about the whole thing.  It helps to know that we are on the same page as each other with this… we both want the same things. The process is important to BOTH of us.  I know he has some of the same fears and worries as me, but he seems to be better at hiding them… and also seems to be better at TRUST… which is something that I know I constantly have to work on.

After that conversation, I felt renewed strength to pray… and have prayed some new prayers to ask God for help through all of this. I even wrote my own novena prayer that I intend to continue throughout the process. I’m going to ask my finance to say it with me too… so that our prayers can be joined together and brought before God, who said that whenever two or more people are praying in unity for the same thing… He is there to hear it.

So, in short, I’m entering into the weekend with some renewed hope and strength. Of course, the worries and the anxiety is still there, and I’m sure will surface many more times before this process is over… but I’m trying more and more to TRUST God entirely, and know that if I’m praying really hard, HE wouldn’t let me go through something that would not turn out alright for me and my soul… and my finance’s soul…

Thanks for your prayers.  God bless everyone who is or will ever have to go through this struggle.

Still Waiting May 19, 2010

We’re still waiting for some news to hear that the process is continuing along.  We’re still in a holding pattern.

I’m trying my hardest to reach out each day to God and ask what He wants from me out of this process…

I also tried reaching out to a priest, but it’s really hard to find one who is helpful and will listen to us and work with us. Our parish priest told us to come back when the annulment was completed and he would work with us then. The other priest that I reached out to never responded back.

So, I’m (no… we’re) left in confusion, waiting and hoping, and praying, and not sure what to do next, because there are no answers, only waiting.

Sometimes, I think that this process will never move on, but I have to remember, there is an end to everything… right??

Any advice on how to deal with this waiting process with patience and strength?

What would Jesus Do? April 14, 2010

I have been going through my finance’s annulment for almost 8 months now, only a year after going through my very own catholic annulment journey.

Both journeys have so far been a path of frustration, anger, relief and hope.

Right now, my finance’s annulment is taking an extraordinarily long time to progress from phase to phase. Sometimes, it seems like the people on the other end don’t realize that there are human beings waiting on the case.  Sometimes it seems like they take all the time they need, simply because they can.

I’m not saying that I don’t understand why the Catholic annulment process takes such a long time… I only wonder, is it exceptionally long sometimes on purpose… to teach those who are waiting a lesson?

So, I try to consider what Jesus who is full of compassion and mercy, would do if He were here on earth today. Would he make all of us faithful wait for months and months and months, with no timeline to an end to receive the results of whether or not our previous relationship was a valid or invalid marriage? Or, in His mercy and compassion, would He heal us quickly and then send us on our way to start anew.

My instinct is that it would be the latter– why then, do Tribunals make us anguish for unending months of the status and progression of our cases, many times with our lives on hold and our days confused, as we try to live Holy and peaceful lives.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Are tribunals acting as Jesus would have done, or are there unnecessary waits for us to receive healing and compassion?